Blame and the avoidance of self actualization

Stockholm syndrome is defined as psychological symptoms that occur for people that are kept in captive or hostage situations, developing empathy or support for their captors as a non necessarily conscious survival strategy. In a sense our reliance on blame can be compared to this. The fear induced and the sense of lack of empowerment within a situation or trauma that created a belief of continued dis-empowerment, can in some ways become a comfort zone to us. The blame of our perpetrators without the desire to go beyond the positioning of them as the god head in our lives.

Blame and resentment can often be filled with secret and unconscious agreements we make with ourselves to purposefully fail in order to keep the perpetrators responsible for our misery. Let’s say our third grade teacher told us our ideas were stupid and we were never going to become what we wanted to be as an adult. The anger and humiliation experienced by that event could become unconscious passive aggression where we decide to live up to their judgement of us and not succeed in order to blame them for planting the seed of that belief, or a back-handed attempt at retribution by failing and creating victimhood in our lives out of self pity, and the need to continuously justify our anger long after the event has passed. Sometimes when we feel powerless, our only power is to prove a point. ((That’s why you find so many nerds talking shit in chat rooms and forums. **I do not count myself among you ** 😃👍 )) Our victimhood then becoming a grown self indulgence where we get to be “right” in how they “wronged” us, because they “screwed up our lives.”

 

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The problem with blame is that we can’t see beyond this dynamic of self limitation. We’ve created a person or situation as the god head that defined how far we are allowed to progress and put the responsibility in their hands. Our anger helps us to feel justified in the wrong doing, but it distracts us from the life beyond this duality we experienced, where our perception of limitless possibility and expansion was shut down, and we conditioned ourselves to live in that confinement, either cause we bought the belief or because we want to stay limited to hold them accountable. And stay stuck in our bitch ass ways.

You have to tantrum to get to your core. 😤

When we unravel our frustration and allow ourselves to go with full abandon into child-like persecution whining, rage and antics, our trauma is forced to connect our mind with our body, because the exhaustion of the tantrum forces out the rant and trail of thought to a place where we have no more energy to give to our 6 year-old illogical bullshit. Suddenly in that state of collapse and tiredness that argument doesn’t feel worthwhile to hold or sustain anymore. We’ve expended all that energy kicking and punching out the invalidation we originally experienced and the reality we built from that experience, to a point of tiredness where our mind has no energy to continue the battle to control our reality from the point of futility it feels in shouting its desire for acknowledgement. ( Very similar to what is now happening on the collective). In this state of pathetic-ness we can then drop the containment and ask ourselves are we done with this now? Was our inner victim acknowledged enough, or would we like to continue holding our third grade teacher accountable for how our life is progressing now?

Beyond this is self actualization where “they” are no longer responsible for what we can create for ourselves, the sense of duty of care for ourselves becomes something we actually want to carry or take on board because responsibility to self and our life is suddenly alluring without the limitation we thought was imposed on us, or that we held onto as a form of security. Blame no longer works, as it begins to feel stifling, and we become more excited by the prospect of getting on with our creation than feeling sorry for ourselves. We no longer desire to dine with Sensitive Sally and Debbie Downer, and when Trigger Trevor tries to join us, we choose to see the blessing that he gives us in the form of an opportunity to understand self more, as opposed to going into rant mode and disregarding and shutting down the difference in viewpoint.🤔

We all have the opportunity to go beyond our blame if we are willing to be honest with ourselves about who or what we are still needing to hold accountable and to what end?

Visit us @ thedisconnecthealingspace.com for more information on our work, musings and other dope things.🔍

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