Month: August 2016

Survival trauma and the creation of codependency

Often this can stem from the manipulation of survival to develop compliance

As an infant:

– Do as I say or I’m leaving you in the parking lot.

– Or if you don’t do what I tell you I will withhold my love and care from you.

-Physical violence or sexual abuse to silence and control, through fear guilt or shame

With friendships:

-If you don’t do what I want you to, I’m going to ignore you and turn others against you. (Mean girls)

-Hazing or abusive initiation for inclusion in the group.

In religion:

-accept xxx as your savior or perish in hell/ reincarnate as a goat

In education:

-study, work hard and follow this path in order for your future to be guaranteed

-Question authority and speak up and be shamed in front of the group

In our identity:

-hiding sexuality for fear of being ostracized,

-not sharing creative / vulnerable expression for fear of public shaming and exclusion.

In relationships:

-be who I want you to be or I’m leaving you or losing interest in you

The original trauma/s create a passivity whereby questioning the dominant figure is negated for survival and it’s easy to hold blame and resentment as opposed to the fear of losing the connection and being abandoned by opposing (guilt/shame). In the original trauma the seed of control is planted by threatening our very foundations (physical survival and nurturing ). We will then most likely experience a repeating of this original trauma in different aspects in our lives. The belief becomes “survival is based on some degree of compliance or compromise of self”

This fear survival perspective is also the control which keeps us trapped in 3rd dimensional reality. (Governments, media, on & on)