depression

Broken hearts and going a little dark

If love and the expression of love in connection with others puts us, and keeps us on a natural high, then surely the extraction from this connection can equate to the experience of withdrawal from the source of that connection to love, and the embodiment of that love.

What makes the spirit resonate towards the darkness when in heartbreak? When we sit inside our darkness and we are not in a space mentally, emotionally or physically to generate that light source through the heart, it becomes a space of apathy and resignation, because there is not enough will to kick start the motor. For whatever reason, we are beyond “switching it back on”.

If love and the connection to source, through heart space which can be generated through intimacy and love with another, can bring someone “back to life” from years of apathy, jadedness to love or distrust and lack of faith in it, then the “drop off” after the relationship is gone can put one right back where they were before, back to the dark, and back to the apathy, because the break up can be read as the proof of all the belief systems and emotional responses that kept that person in the dark for whatever time period previous. The “let down” reinforces the jadedness and the dark is familiar

“Hello darkness my old friend.”

Which mode of operation then becomes a familiar outlet for the containment of that darkness? Which addiction? Which distraction? What do we begin to avoid? Where do we shut the windows so too much light doesn’t come in? And at what point did we hit that wall without realizing it? Where pain became too great and there was no outlet to express or transmute it. And therefore the light either switched off or someone turned the dimmer down. For those without the reference points of how to process and move beyond their pain, a broken heart can be the excuse and the driving force to make sure one is always looking outward and stops looking inward.

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So we decide consciously or unconsciously to indulge our broken heart. To indulge our beliefs and therefore our responses to those beliefs that move us towards our darkness and the darkening of our state in different ways. If we’ve been playing this cycle since childhood, we’ll already have an idea of how we like to express our darkness. If we’re not channeling our energy towards creation then more likely we’re moving it towards destruction or a form of contained anarchy in defiance of the absence of love and our love. Positive creative expression becomes pained because it requires an acknowledgement of heart energy and if we’re not willing to go there then our creative energy is exercised for more base indulgence and lower energetic payoff through either the sacral / heart (physical indulgence / emotional compensation) or the third eye (non physical indulgence / escaping realities) .

Depending on whether we prefer to dull our creative energy through physical or non physical indulgence we will then tend to attract others who express their creative energies in similar ways and reinforce each other’s behavior patterns. There is no external reference to “tow the line” or be the example of the desire to raise creative energy back into the heart space. People in this cycle prefer to be around those like minded individuals, where acknowledgement of brokenness is not required, and the denial is protected. The escape behavior is shared and we have a “partner in crime”. Allowing for none in the group to have to recognize their behavior or be called out on it. Denial becomes the great enabler.

The length of time we choose to remain in the darkness can be equated to how much damage has been inflicted on us. If the darkness is the cave we return to where we don’t allow distraction to block us from the acknowledgement of the recovery we are in, then we have the opportunity to use our time in darkness well, for our full benefit, taking our time to process the damage taken as we slowly readjust to taking in more light again. In this sense we can use the darkness we put ourselves in to heal before reemergence.

The problem however, lies in the lack of inclination to come out the other side. The avoidance of process, and the blocks mentally, emotionally and spiritually from the willingness to reach deeper levels. This could also be equivalent to captivity in the underworld. If we sink into apathy it requires greater will to pull ourselves up out of it, and the remembrance that we weren’t waiting for someone else to do the rescuing. The longer we remain in the apathy of the darkness, the more cemented our belief system becomes around our inability to get back out of the dark again. The belief that “it’s too late” can begin to set. With a host of other beliefs built around a framework of despair.

Ultimately the reasoning that drives us to switch the light back on is will. Will requires a degree of faith. That argument can appease the mind that will seek purpose and a valid point to come out of the dark in its existential crisis. The mind needs something, a strong enough point, to be willing to move back into the light when it knows it’s gonna sting a little, when it knows the emotional body will work through catharsis with the reintroduction of the light. Will power is not enough to run by mental strength alone, but a handing over to a greater belief, trust and reason for living. This then transmutes back into will to live, willingness to heal, willingness to continue, willingness to grow, willingness to evolve, willingness to ascend, willingness to transmute the darkness of the original victim wounds. And that will comes from a willingness to trust the healing that comes from love and that a source of love is still available, post the disconnection from a relationship. That the love can be found again and connected to in many other ways, and not in the fear of losing it again, but the trust that we are always receiving it if we are willing to feel into that reception in the heart space. Regardless of whether or not another individual is there to give it directly from them to us.

 

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Maurice Katting is a Massage Therapist, Reiki Practitioner and Shamanic Healer based in Melbourne, Australia

You can connect with him at http://thedisconnecthealingspace.com

Raison d’être and the will to live

Grounding is an essential survival tool on this planet. One cannot exist here in this dimension without a sense of connection to this reality. Ultimately on some level, and this is a stretch for those who don’t believe in higher purpose, but in the context of higher purpose, we chose to be here at this time, and to operate from a unique “raison d’être”, a soul signature purpose for our life here on earth.

“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water
After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water”
– Zen Proverb

 

Grounding and taking action in this reality is the manifestation of higher form, expression and idea in physical reality. Ideal creates purpose. Ideal can be sourced from ego and therefore the physical manifestation of these ideals can be birthed, and maintained to create a life that reflects these ideals. On some level they will nourish us, creating a sense of order, structure, and identity within our reflection of ourself against the backdrop of the civilization that we know.

What happens to us when our “raison d’être” moves away from what we learnt from our education, upbringing and roles that we’ve played within society, and starts to resonate as something undefinable? When our past motivations no longer grant us the fuel to create in the same way that we created in the past. Where do we go from here?

Raison d'êtreWhen we are in this undefined territory, grounding is an essential survival tool. First it means, releasing the fear of not being defined within our old definition. It’s like looking into the mirror and collapsing into oneself. Stuart Wilde talks a lot about this topic in his book “Whispering Winds of Change”. It can be a confusing transitory period, and there is a certain danger to it, in the sense that we can become completely uninterested in the world. And without interest, there is a loss of purpose. In that state, one can easily slip into a point of apathy, loss of will, loss of motivation and complete disconnection. There is an existential feeling of meaninglessness.

Perhaps 18 months ago, I was working in a job that I wasn’t enjoying, feeling completely isolated within it, unsure if the contribution I was making was appreciated or even served a purpose. Yet I continued showing up, and going through the motions. Something within me began to switch off. The lack of interest coupled with lack of self presence in my daily world taught me an important lesson about grounding. When I was younger, I probably operated from this unconscious state 90% of the time? It metaphorically means you stop listening to that voice within you that’s saying “this doesn’t feel right, but I’m afraid to change or I’m afraid to take the action that will make it better”, “I don’t want to look at this, I don’t want to think about this, higher mind you have permission to shut off.” And so, the more we stop listening to that voice, our “inner compass”, the more ungrounded we become as we continue barely show up to our lives. Hence depression, hence addiction, hence escape, hence ungrounded-ness.

 

So around this time I was bumping this song in my Ford hoopty on high rotation:

“Like I said, you know I’m almost dead
You know I’m almost gone
And when the boatman comes, he’ll ferry me away
to where we all belong”
– Brendan’s Death Song, Red Hot Chilli Peppers

 

I was driving to the beach, and I went through a roundabout, angled the wheel left, and when I went to straighten it on the right angle the car continued to turn and complete a 180 degree rotation, and ended up facing the cars driving behind me. Neat trick. I meant to do that right? I smiled and held my hand up at the oncoming traffic, scurrying to reverse and pull off the main road into the side street where I turned off the engine. My hands were shaking. I knew the car needed work but… damn.

Instead of the beach, I super carefully drove back home, and sat on my couch reflecting on my near miss collision. Tuning in, the message I got was real simple. “You’ve been singing a death song. If you don’t want to be here on this planet, then your wish will be granted and you can leave.”

 

Ok I thought, so I’ve detached myself from my life, and ungrounded myself enough that I’m actually tempting death, although not consciously, but through the lack of connection to my physical reality I’ve created an “opt out”. And I almost clicked the “no longer wish to receive” option.

So……….yes…..grounding is an essential survival tool. If we decide, “yes I want to be here on earth” then the conscious question becomes “what am I living for?”

 

If we tune in and get the directive that we do have the will to stay here because there is ‘unfinished growth’, ‘unfinished learning’, ‘desired experience in physical reality and therefore the knowings that come through those experiences’ then this creates will to live.
But how do we apply this meaning to our lives, when we are still not certain of what those desires are? We know we still wish to be here in order to discover what those meanings will be, and therefore what we will create in our lives.

 

escapeEscape is the desire to not be here in this reality. Either through trauma, disillusionment, loss, pain, or a sense of giving up. Some people violently and consciously choose to transit out of this reality, and some do it on a slower more subtle scale. I remember reading something in Neale Donald Walsch’s “Conversations with God” where I think he was asking him (God) about smoking? Sorry I admit I’m paraphrasing, but the response was along the lines of “You commit to these behaviours because you have no will to live.”

Pretty radical statement huh? But if you think about it, when we engage in something that on some level we can admit is destructive, not life affirming, or doesn’t encourage growth within us and our lives, at some degree, or percentage, small or large, we have lost the will to live.

How do we get it back?

“Your path may be clouded, uncertain your goal
Move on, for your orbit is fixed to your soul”
– My Law, Tieme Ranapiri

 

The essence of creation is the meaning we associate with our creations. We have to know why we want the things we say we want. It’s not enough to just show up anymore and go through the motions if it doesn’t inspire the life force within us. Even the most mundane of tasks have to grant us a sense of knowing their purpose, and why we commit to them. What is the higher meaning they grant to our lives, and if we can’t connect higher purpose to those routine actions, then are we looking for an alternative that really resonates with us? Or have we closed our minds to the possibilities out of fear and loss of self confidence?

 

Let’s talk about money. One of the most sobering forces on the planet. If the desire to make money no longer motivates you, that’s all well and good, but what will your pay your bills with? What will you pay your rent with? What within you creates enough incentive to create a solid foundation internally and externally to build a future on? What drives that incentive? What keeps the engine going? Without the will, your signal to the universe will always be wishy washy. Its like going into a deli, asking for one thing, then saying no actually you want something else, then pausing at the counter while the attendant looks incredulously at you. What is it that you want?!!!

 

A really simple and powerful exercise I’ve discovered through Deepak Chopra’s “7 Spiritual Laws of Success” is working with the law of intention and desire. You basically sit down and write a list of things you wish to manifest in your life, and the reason why you wish to manifest those things, with the reason linking back to a higher purpose, ie ” I choose to create a relationship in my life, in order to experience the balance of giving and receiving and to know what that harmony feels like”, or “I choose to create a holiday to xxxx destination, in order to connect with my inner sense of discovery, the joy of exploration and to feel childlike and full of wonder”. The higher goal, is leading back to the experience of love. But you are calling in the pathways of how you deem you’d like to experience that love. In what form do you desire it? Once you write the list, you release your attachment to how those desires will manifest, and allow yourself to follow your intuition in guiding you to manifest them in the easiest way ( law of least effort ). Don’t put pressure on yourself. However, it doesn’t mean you sit in front of the computer playing video games all day after writing the list. Unless your guidance says, “ok chill for a little bit.” Your guidance isn’t reckless, your guidance is fair and practical. You’ve set an intent, and you allow your guidance to direct you to the next step of action in the physical world.

 

You can do this exercise as often as you need to. It’s particularly good when you feel stuck, stifled, unmotivated or lacking purpose or vision. It doesn’t matter if what you write changes each time you write it. We are ‘reseting’ and beginning again from this present moment and redefining our purpose and our reason for living. The clarity it brings, gives us peace of mind and a knowing and reconnection to our purpose, and at the same time grounds us back to this reality because we remember or redefine what we are living for.

 

MauriceMaurice Katting is a Massage Therapist, Reiki Practitioner and Vibrational Healer based in Melbourne, Australia

You can connect with him at http://thedisconnecthealingspace.com