pain

Broken hearts and going a little dark

If love and the expression of love in connection with others puts us, and keeps us on a natural high, then surely the extraction from this connection can equate to the experience of withdrawal from the source of that connection to love, and the embodiment of that love.

What makes the spirit resonate towards the darkness when in heartbreak? When we sit inside our darkness and we are not in a space mentally, emotionally or physically to generate that light source through the heart, it becomes a space of apathy and resignation, because there is not enough will to kick start the motor. For whatever reason, we are beyond “switching it back on”.

If love and the connection to source, through heart space which can be generated through intimacy and love with another, can bring someone “back to life” from years of apathy, jadedness to love or distrust and lack of faith in it, then the “drop off” after the relationship is gone can put one right back where they were before, back to the dark, and back to the apathy, because the break up can be read as the proof of all the belief systems and emotional responses that kept that person in the dark for whatever time period previous. The “let down” reinforces the jadedness and the dark is familiar

“Hello darkness my old friend.”

Which mode of operation then becomes a familiar outlet for the containment of that darkness? Which addiction? Which distraction? What do we begin to avoid? Where do we shut the windows so too much light doesn’t come in? And at what point did we hit that wall without realizing it? Where pain became too great and there was no outlet to express or transmute it. And therefore the light either switched off or someone turned the dimmer down. For those without the reference points of how to process and move beyond their pain, a broken heart can be the excuse and the driving force to make sure one is always looking outward and stops looking inward.

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So we decide consciously or unconsciously to indulge our broken heart. To indulge our beliefs and therefore our responses to those beliefs that move us towards our darkness and the darkening of our state in different ways. If we’ve been playing this cycle since childhood, we’ll already have an idea of how we like to express our darkness. If we’re not channeling our energy towards creation then more likely we’re moving it towards destruction or a form of contained anarchy in defiance of the absence of love and our love. Positive creative expression becomes pained because it requires an acknowledgement of heart energy and if we’re not willing to go there then our creative energy is exercised for more base indulgence and lower energetic payoff through either the sacral / heart (physical indulgence / emotional compensation) or the third eye (non physical indulgence / escaping realities) .

Depending on whether we prefer to dull our creative energy through physical or non physical indulgence we will then tend to attract others who express their creative energies in similar ways and reinforce each other’s behavior patterns. There is no external reference to “tow the line” or be the example of the desire to raise creative energy back into the heart space. People in this cycle prefer to be around those like minded individuals, where acknowledgement of brokenness is not required, and the denial is protected. The escape behavior is shared and we have a “partner in crime”. Allowing for none in the group to have to recognize their behavior or be called out on it. Denial becomes the great enabler.

The length of time we choose to remain in the darkness can be equated to how much damage has been inflicted on us. If the darkness is the cave we return to where we don’t allow distraction to block us from the acknowledgement of the recovery we are in, then we have the opportunity to use our time in darkness well, for our full benefit, taking our time to process the damage taken as we slowly readjust to taking in more light again. In this sense we can use the darkness we put ourselves in to heal before reemergence.

The problem however, lies in the lack of inclination to come out the other side. The avoidance of process, and the blocks mentally, emotionally and spiritually from the willingness to reach deeper levels. This could also be equivalent to captivity in the underworld. If we sink into apathy it requires greater will to pull ourselves up out of it, and the remembrance that we weren’t waiting for someone else to do the rescuing. The longer we remain in the apathy of the darkness, the more cemented our belief system becomes around our inability to get back out of the dark again. The belief that “it’s too late” can begin to set. With a host of other beliefs built around a framework of despair.

Ultimately the reasoning that drives us to switch the light back on is will. Will requires a degree of faith. That argument can appease the mind that will seek purpose and a valid point to come out of the dark in its existential crisis. The mind needs something, a strong enough point, to be willing to move back into the light when it knows it’s gonna sting a little, when it knows the emotional body will work through catharsis with the reintroduction of the light. Will power is not enough to run by mental strength alone, but a handing over to a greater belief, trust and reason for living. This then transmutes back into will to live, willingness to heal, willingness to continue, willingness to grow, willingness to evolve, willingness to ascend, willingness to transmute the darkness of the original victim wounds. And that will comes from a willingness to trust the healing that comes from love and that a source of love is still available, post the disconnection from a relationship. That the love can be found again and connected to in many other ways, and not in the fear of losing it again, but the trust that we are always receiving it if we are willing to feel into that reception in the heart space. Regardless of whether or not another individual is there to give it directly from them to us.

 

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Maurice Katting is a Massage Therapist, Reiki Practitioner and Shamanic Healer based in Melbourne, Australia

You can connect with him at http://thedisconnecthealingspace.com

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Being OK with not being “healed”

So much of the collective idea around healing is to shift out of or away from pain. You could liken this to pain being the “hurdles on a race track”. If I’ve just leapt over a hurdle and I’ve expended a degree of my energy to overcome it, I could be annoyed to find another hurdle ahead that I need to “gear up” towards and put the spring in my step to hurdle over it. And then I’d look ahead and find yet another hurdle on my path. If I allow this to frustrate me, then I’d be left asking the question, “when will I overcome all of these hurdles?” “When will there be no more hurdles to jump over?”

 

What if the idea wasn’t that we need to constantly exude all this energy racing to cross over these hurdles, and liken ourselves as athletes on a track, continually overcoming the pain of adversity that presents itself before us. What if the pain that we look upon as a “hurdle to overcome”, was actually the healer? If we took our focus off the emphasis of getting over the hurdle, just so we could run to the next hurdle, we’d get a sense that there is no rush, only the rush that we create for ourselves.

 

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What if we allowed ourselves to sit with the pain a little bit longer? Before the idea of needing to transmute it/ shift it/ clear it/ integrate it/ right now/ all levels and dimensions/ past life present future/ divine feminine / masculine/ mother’s side/ father’s side/ lineage/ 10 generations back, etc, etc. What if we allowed ourselves to be ok in the knowledge that it wasn’t yet healed? Would it be ok that the pain was still here and still present in our lives? Would we be making ourselves “wrong” to still be experiencing it? Or processing it at a slower rate than we think we should be? Because for whatever reason we believed that pain or blockage was slowing us up from where we believe we should be right now? Or what we should have already achieved last week, last month, last year?

 

Are we dismissing our experience as we experience it? And does that become another way for us to not be fully present in our lives? Does life begin once we have overcome all the hurdles? Where is this reality of constant perfection, clear skies and no hurdles on the track?

 

Often the pain we are experiencing is a way of honoring and remembering our story. It’s the opportunity to fully reconnect with the things we suppressed, forgot or left out in the dark. If our pain is sourcing from those stories, why do we need to fast forward through them? Do we honor our lives by turning away from the memory of our struggle? If we remember our struggle, then can we then observe how far we’ve come? By the same token, how can the healing process begin if we are not allowing ourselves to fully re-member our story, and all those lost, misplaced and unprocessed sensations we felt while we were living those stories?

 

If the idea of healing or being healed means a state of grace, perfection, alignment with the “divine blueprint”, then surely we would have to be in a state of “allowing” ourselves to be in accordance with that grace. If the idea of not being healed yet is “not ok”, or if we are focused on the many issues we haven’t yet cleared on our list, and we are “not ok” with ourselves until we have cleared them, then does that make us “not ok” right now? And if our focus tells us that we are “not ok” right now, and healing is a state of grace and perfection, then how can we allow ourselves to be in alignment with it, if we are “not ok” right now? If we are “not ok”, then we are not healed. The two can’t exist at the same time in a dualistic dimension.

 

Healing is not a battle, not a competition, not something we can always measure tangibly when it comes to human emotion. It’s the accumulation of lifetimes of stories and reliving and reintegrating stories to get the fullness of our experience, individually tailored. It’s never just a formula to replicate and apply for everyone. And it’s not something we can “try” to do, because in that sense healing is an outcome of the process of easing ourselves back into our story, with love and honour for every painful recollection.

 

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Maurice Katting is a Massage Therapist, Reiki Practitioner and Vibrational Healer based in Melbourne, Australia

You can connect with him at http://thedisconnecthealingspace.com