self awareness

Stockholm syndrome is defined as psychological symptoms that occur for people that are kept in captive or hostage situations, developing empathy or support for their captors as a non necessarily conscious survival strategy. In a sense our reliance on blame can be compared to this. The fear induced and the sense of lack of empowerment within a situation or trauma that created a belief of continued dis-empowerment, can in some ways become a comfort zone to us. The blame of our perpetrators without the desire to go beyond the positioning of them as the god head in our lives.

Blame and resentment can often be filled with secret and unconscious agreements we make with ourselves to purposefully fail in order to keep the perpetrators responsible for our misery. Let’s say our third grade teacher told us our ideas were stupid and we were never going to become what we wanted to be as an adult. The anger and humiliation experienced by that event could become unconscious passive aggression where we decide to live up to their judgement of us and not succeed in order to blame them for planting the seed of that belief, or a back-handed attempt at retribution by failing and creating victimhood in our lives out of self pity, and the need to continuously justify our anger long after the event has passed. Sometimes when we feel powerless, our only power is to prove a point. ((That’s why you find so many nerds talking shit in chat rooms and forums. **I do not count myself among you ** 😃👍 )) Our victimhood then becoming a grown self indulgence where we get to be “right” in how they “wronged” us, because they “screwed up our lives.”

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The problem with blame is that we can’t see beyond this dynamic of self limitation. We’ve created a person or situation as the god head that defined how far we are allowed to progress and put the responsibility in their hands. Our anger helps us to feel justified in the wrong doing, but it distracts us from the life beyond this duality we experienced, where our perception of limitless possibility and expansion was shut down, and we conditioned ourselves to live in that confinement, either cause we bought the belief or because we want to stay limited to hold them accountable. And stay stuck in our bitch ass ways.

You have to tantrum to get to your core. 😤

When we unravel our frustration and allow ourselves to go with full abandon into child-like persecution whining, rage and antics, our trauma is forced to connect our mind with our body, because the exhaustion of the tantrum forces out the rant and trail of thought to a place where we have no more energy to give to our 6 year-old illogical bullshit. Suddenly in that state of collapse and tiredness that argument doesn’t feel worthwhile to hold or sustain anymore. We’ve expended all that energy kicking and punching out the invalidation we originally experienced and the reality we built from that experience, to a point of tiredness where our mind has no energy to continue the battle to control our reality from the point of futility it feels in shouting its desire for acknowledgement. ( Very similar to what is now happening on the collective). In this state of pathetic-ness we can then drop the containment and ask ourselves are we done with this now? Was our inner victim acknowledged enough, or would we like to continue holding our third grade teacher accountable for how our life is progressing now?

Beyond this is self actualization where “they” are no longer responsible for what we can create for ourselves, the sense of duty of care for ourselves becomes something we actually want to carry or take on board because responsibility to self and our life is suddenly alluring without the limitation we thought was imposed on us, or that we held onto as a form of security. Blame no longer works, as it begins to feel stifling, and we become more excited by the prospect of getting on with our creation than feeling sorry for ourselves. We no longer desire to dine with Sensitive Sally and Debbie Downer, and when Trigger Trevor tries to join us, we choose to see the blessing that he gives us in the form of an opportunity to understand self more, as opposed to going into rant mode and disregarding and shutting down the difference in viewpoint.🤔

We all have the opportunity to go beyond our blame if we are willing to be honest with ourselves about who or what we are still needing to hold accountable and to what end?

Visit us @ thedisconnecthealingspace.com for more information on our work, musings and other dope things.🔍

A loss of power can be something that we don’t even recognise. But feeling that loss of control can lead us into a frenetic state, where we scramble to bring a sense of order back into our lives via external force. This is outward justification of the loss we are feeling within ourselves when our sense of self honour has become confused or misdirected. As we scramble to get that feeling of protection love or safety back in our being, we can quite easily flip into the dualistic state, of assessing the world around us in simplified terms; good or bad, right or wrong, noble or evil, when the truth is it’s never really this clean cut. We go into “cleaning house” mode as a way of moving our stagnant energy, and attempting to regain our sense of empowerment. Yet sometimes in this state of exalted self cheer leading, we miss the point, and we oversimplify or dramatize the situation, when really we just need to go within ourselves and ask the question; “am I honouring myself?”

We try to make “clean cuts” when we have confusion over the unresolved feelings we’ve experienced that bring up feelings of pain, lack of self love or honour. Our society tends to support this very simplistic and black and white way of trying to empower itself. It’s kind of the “Ricki Lake” method. You know? Like the guy couldn’t commit, he was always at work, girl don’t settle, go out and get yourself a new outfit. Bam! You’re empowered. And yes in a sense you’ve had a shift, you’ve recognised something wasn’t working and you feel reenergised. But what happens when you go and recreate the exact same situation?

Is it always about villains? Villainy? Yes you can look at everybody and make lists of pros and cons about them, but so what? They are who they are. Does it work for you or not? And if so, to what degree? When you interact with someone where do you feel you’re not honouring yourself? Can you change that aspect? And is it enough to reframe your concept of the exchange you’ve created with that person and to put it in a different light? Or does it mean it can’t be resolved?

How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel good about yourself when you’re spending time with others for the most part? Is it just one small aspect that makes it too much of a compromise? And if so, how can you change the dynamic? How can you leave it so everyone is honoured?

We know when we are selling ourselves short. We can deny it, but underneath that we can feel the pain of lack of self honour. But directing anger at those who are blissfully unaware of our pain won’t resolve the issue. Often our sense of self honour is tied in with our value system. But here’s the tricky part, what if our value systems are completely different? Who’s right and who’s wrong? Does it make someone else wrong if we feel we’re right? Or does it just mean they perceive things in a different way?

In every exchange, we can assess how much of ourselves we give, dependent on how much honour we feel is brought to the table by each party. And each exchange will be as unique as every individual is. If we give more and expect the same, and it’s not reciprocal, we’re going to experience the loss, and if we deny that, try to justify it and still hold out in EXPECTATION of the same level of energy to be returned by the other person, our sense of self love will plummet. But it doesn’t make anyone bad. It’s a realization.

Discernment is key. What you feel safe to share with somebody, may not feel as sacred with someone else. Your sense of self honour and honour of others, as well as the honour you receive from others will be your indicator as to what level you will co-create with another person, group or mass of people. And to what degree you feel safe, loved and honoured co-creating worlds. Only you can assess that internally, based on your value system, to know if you feel safe, loved and honored. This is how we can bring the sacred part of ourselves into the world and feel received and held by it.